squirrlly

I really don't like squirrels. I especially don't like the one that frequents my patio. It's there because the lady next door feeds it. She went into the hospital yesterday so the squirrel got hungry. This morning he was banging on my patio door. Scared the heck out of me! I guess he thought I'd fill in. Forget it, Sucker!

I called the office. I was very diffident.

"You're going to think I'm crazy," I began. "There's a very aggressive squirrel on my patio."

"Banging on your patio door?" the secretary asked.

"Yeah!" I said, relieved.

The maintenance guy came over with what looked like a butterfly net. Rather apropos, I thought. He had no luck.

"Could you perhaps get a humane trap and maybe take it away from here?" I asked, wanting to seem very Zen and concerned about a living thing.

Translation: "Could you get him off my patio and go dump him somewhere?"

He's a rodent for Pete's sake!

(Note: No animals were harmed in the conveyance of this post.)